I thought I would write a little about how I'm feeling about facing impending joblessness while pregnant.
Last February I decided to leave my full time regular position at a well known company to work a one year contract job at a different company. There were a few reasons for this:
1. It was a step up financially
2. The job I left was in a big transition and I didn't feel secure
3. It gave me the opportunity to add to my resume and learn a new area of my line of work
Cameron agreed with my reasons and we decided it was ok to take the risk.
My new boss seemed to like me a lot, we got along great, he had zero complaints. I was very gung-ho and learned my job fast and well. I even volunteered for additional projects and work.
Several months into this new job I found out I was pregnant again (we
were trying, and assumed it would take years to conceive again...wrong)
Then my boss decided to leave the company. Within a couple of weeks of finding out I was pregnant. This was a huge blow and instantly I knew I was out on a limb, and could only hope that I made a great impression on whomever his replacement ended up being.
The new replacement arrived about a month after his departure. I did everything I could to make a great impression. I hid my pregnancy as long as possible. I volunteered for projects, really tried to show my value.
At around 18 weeks I really couldn't hide it well anymore and had decided to tell my new manager at our next one on one meeting. She had been here about a month or so. Right before I was going to tell her she told me that she decided to discontinue my contract role in November, because she wanted to find someone who was more senior to fill the role. I felt like I got punched in the face. I doubt I hid my complete and utter disappointment very well.
I was crushed.
I followed up by letting her know I was pregnant as an FYI, since it obviously didn't matter since I wouldn't even be here the extent of the pregnancy.
I had started to apply for new jobs as soon as my old boss left, which was August. The larger my belly got the more I knew I would be out of luck on finding a new job. I had at least 12 interviews, not a one panned out. Normally I have been lucky with finding jobs and was getting stressed out at not finding anything.
It is now 3 months after my boss screwed me over and I just started training my replacement. I'm very bitter and trying hard not to let it show to her or my other coworkers. After all, I did take this risk voluntarily knowing it might not have worked out. We DID start trying to for a baby fulling knowing I COULD have gotten pregnant.
For some reason I'm still pissed. It all just seems like such BS. I know I did an excellent job and should have been kept on. I hate my new boss (even before she told me about my contract ending). I don't even like the company that much. But I'm pissed in principal.
Stealing my livelihood. Throwing me to the wolves when I'm pregnant and cannot find something else. Screwing up our savings plan, our move plans, all of our plans. Especially when adding another mouth to feed.
I'm just plain pissed.
And probably slightly more hormonal than normal.
I have gone to her manager and basically begged to be kept on a few extra weeks (to avoid unemployment and jump straight into disability pay). I should find out next week if they are willing to do that.
So that is that. I'm nervous about the next few months and how we are going to get by. I've done the math and think we will be fine, cutting it close for a couple of months. I am also really concerned how this will impact my relationship with the new baby. Am I going to be spending too much time away from her interviewing and applying for jobs? How is this going to impact my breastfeeding? Is the stress going to be seriously high?
Ugh, a lot to think about on top of the probably more common job loss feelings: rejection, embarrassment, low self worth, impending doom, etc.
Hopefully I will be able to keep up the blog and don't spiral into a state of depression...
I feel that I should end this on a positive note by listing reasons why this might be a good thing:
1. This will give me the opportunity to get into a better company/position
2. I might land a job that is transferable up to PNW, making our move eaiser
3. I will have extra time to spend with the kiddos
4. I might get more projects done
5. I will have time to keep up with the house stuff
