Back on Track and PLEASE show me the MONEY!!

Do you ever reach a point where you know that you've dealing with something that is all consuming or just plain been f*cking around too much?

Like, crap... back to reality...I guess...?

That is us right now. When all is said and done, we have been neglecting out home, finances, and work. Now its time to get back on that horse and make some progress.

Finances...ah....finances...

In a perfect world we would all make as much money as we needed, or more. In the current, not-even-close-to-perfect-world, that's just not the way things work out.

For instance, C and I have both been asking for, well deserved, raises for at least a year now. Have we gotten one? No. This is a prime example of why planning ahead of time, though with the best of intentions, and being as worst-case-scenario as you can be, still doesn't usually work. Ah...the best laid plans...

So here we are. Worst-case-scenario, we assumed, ONE of us would have gotten a raise at this point. Just one of us. Not asking for the world here. But no. We had a plan dammit! Now what.

We have things to pay, projects to attack, life events for Pete's sake!

And hell week starts again. The dreaded, the terrible, the awkward, the week we follow up on the raises we've been requesting. I hate these weeks. Mine is worse for the following reasons.

1. My manager is gone for the next two weeks, working from home, out of the office, potentially on a leave.
2. Being in HR I don't really have a rep to ask for advice.
3. Major dilemmas (which I will outline below)

a. Should I ask her while she is out of the office? Who knows when she'll be back? (conclusion: no, she has refused before to talk about these things in email. GOD FORBID there be a paper trail)

b. The all important question: when is it ok to go above your manager's head? (eeek I have no idea)

c. What if she tells me no? What then? Do I throw a childish fit? Do I quit on the spot (I wish, but not an option) In the past I've taken it with grace, and believed her promises that it would come one day. Not this time. I think I'll throw a fit.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday Shmoozday

Why is it, that the more work you have to do, the harder it is to complete. Even the smallest tasks feel insurmountable.

I'm such a procrastinator. The first part of the week I get the least amount of work done. By the end of the week I've set up goals to finish all my tasks on Thursday and Friday. It would probably be better to get the hard stuff done the first part of the week, so I could have a relaxing Friday. But no. That makes too much sense.

Ok, this topic is only a painful reminder of the 5 inch stack of papers sitting in front of my waiting for action. FIVE inches, I measured. I guess it could be 7 inches, so I'll stop complaining.

I hate facebook and other short stories

I'm still playing catchup at work, I basically missed most of the month of June, so I haven't had much time to bloggity-blog.

At the end of last week I finally had a rush of excitement about seeing those two pink lines. Oh Joy! I'm happy to be returning to my normal, positive, optimistic self.

Today I would have been officially on Day 1 of the Second Trimester. Milestones like that I'm sure will linger until I pass that major would-have-been due date of January 13th.

Things I don't like about Facebook:

Do I care that your grabbing coffee on your way to work? No. You know why? Because you do it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Do I care that your now friends with Joe Shmo? No. Why? Because I don't.

Do I care that your out on a date/at a BBQ/hangin with the girls(or boys)? No. To me a comment like that says: "WOW I am so bored on my date/BBQ/Night that I don't even want to socialize I'd rather be on my iphone making posts on Facebook." Or even "look at me, I'm so popular and important that people might want to know what I'm doing RIGHT NOW, so I better tell them so they can ask me about it later..."

So no, I don't care, and most people would be lying if they said they did.

Things I like about Facebook:
1. You get to follow the exciting events of a friend's life. Note the word exciting.
2. Its way easy to keep track of someone's birthday
3. It makes far away friends seem so much closer.

Stuff and Fluff

Yesterday I made my first Etsy purchase. For those of you who are not familiar with this wonderful internet shopping site. Everything on it is handmade and sold by the maker. They have the coolest stuff ever!

I bought this bracelet as kind of a commemorative piece (maybe not the right word) but for me it will signify a remembrance for what I've just been through. I asked for it to be slightly customized, so it only has one large white pearl in the center instead of 4 egg/pearls. Thanks to Jeannie with GreyFrogDesigns for creating this special bracelet for me.



In other news, I'm so happy for the long weekend coming up. I plan on drinking every night.

Yes, I'm a lush.

And, no, I don't give a shit.

I'm also going to eat a lot of yummy food and start my diet on Tuesday again. Lets see if I can shed that last 15-20 pounds before getting knocked-up again!!

And, speaking of someday being knocked-up again, check out these little charms, when you shake them they make a little bell sound. Super cute, good for a baby shower favor maybe... ;)


Found at delishbeads.myshopify.com

Trying to move on

Today I would have been 12 weeks. The baby would have been the size of a plum. Its hard to not think about this loss all the time. Its hard to not think about the fact that I would have only had less than two weeks until entering the 2nd trimester. Or that, in just about a month I know if we were having a little boy or girl. Or even that I would be starting to develop a baby bump within a few weeks.

I had been feeling extremely weak since last Friday. I went to the doctor to get a blood test to find out if I was Anemic. The blood test showed negative. I realized then that its just in my head. It just my body coping with the loss, my emotional pain manifesting itself physically. I know now that its time to try to move on.

This morning I started temping again for my ovulation chart. Even though we cannot start trying again for another month or so, I think getting back into this routine will help. I think that it will give me something to occupy my mind each day. I'm big on charts and graphs. Patterns simplify things and create consistency. Ahh... good ol' consistency.

A few of the girls on the miscarriage and pregnancy loss forum have inspired me with this image. I know that I am strong and can move past this. I will never forget. I'm sure I'll still talk of it often, but how can you not mention the most monumental aspect of your life thus far. However, for my sanity I need to remember that I cannot dwell in the past, but need to move on to the future.

This song struck me today...

Coldplay - Yellow

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know for you i bleed myself dry
For you i bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars look how they shine for you