167 Days

I just did the math.

It has been 167 days since I've had a period.

Technically it has been 93 days since the last D&C. And 74 days prior to that I had my last period before getting pregnant the 3rd time.

That is almost 6 months!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I should go to an MPA meeting or some shit. Kind of like AA only MPA for: Menstrual Periods Anonymous.

It would go like this:

Hi. My name is Katy.
I'm a Menstrual Period-aholic.
It has been 6 months since I last menstruated.


Then they would all chime in a dull monotone chorus:

Hiiiii Kaaaattttyyyy.

And I'd be all like:

Hi.


Just writing this reminds me of how much I hate the word: Menstruate, Menstrual, Menstruating, etc.

Such a gross word.

But I don't really get the word: Period, either.

I guess it is a no win situation.


Dear Body,


You know, I really feel like I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth (whatever that means...) in all seriousness though....what's your deal?


I mean I guess I can't really get pregnant now anyway, which means there is no real reason for you to shed your lining. 

Are you mad at me?


Honestly, you have no right to be mad. 

I should be mad at you. 

I have to carry tampons and panty-liners around with me everywhere now. I feel like you could just suddenly decide at any moment that blood must be shed. It's kinda creepy.


And, frankly, I keep getting all the other symptoms that you are about to do something rash. Like bloating, acne, murderousness, and other emotions. Eh...but I guess you are trying then, I'll give you some credit.


So I'll let you slide on the "menstruation" for now. I'd rather not go another 6 months though, how about 2 weeks?


Sounds like a fair compromise to me. 

And, hun, try not to make me bring this up with you again. I hate talking to you like a child.


Thanks.


-Katy


p.s. Also, I noticed that you keep supplying these cute little rashes inside my elbows. It's kinda gross and itchy, and my self medication didn't help it.

Can you please stop? 

mmmmkay....that'd be great....thanks.

I thought I'd include this awesome visual for you which really has minimal to do with what I was talking about.

Word of advice:

If your body looks like the diagram in image #1 I would seek medical attention.

Seriously.