Conoslation Prize

Gee, thanks for trying...come again sometime!

LOL I wish right.

No, a pregnancy loss does not win you any prizes.

C and I create our own prizes.

I just booked our first BIG trip.

Infertility/Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (aka IF or RPL...because I'm not writing that again) anyway...neither of those will get me down!

We will be packing our fancy cam, birth control pills, and a rain coat for our trip to Europe in October!

We are flying into London and going to try to hit up Paris, Luxembourg, Dusseldorf, Brussels, and Amsterdam!

Totally excited!

Silver lining #15 - no kids = more travel time and money!

Versatile Blogger

Much thanks to Jen from her blog Our Life Adventure for passing on the Versatile Blogger award to me! :)





Rules of this award:
1. Be kind and give thanks to the blogger who awarded you, + link to their blog.
2. List 7 things about you.
3. Award 15 newly discovered Blogs with the award, and notify them.

7 things about me:
1. I like rocks
2. I have 3 cats
3. I stepped on my sisters fingers while ice-skating once, it wasn't that bad, but seriously a terrible mental image right?
4. I used to drive a VW cabrio, and even though the car was a lemon, I miss the convertable
5. My new favorite obsession is Pinterest, though I'll probably get bored within a couple weeks
6. I listen to music ALL THE TIME, especially doing dishes, I get pissy when I can't
7. I like blog awards, makes me feel special

15 blogs:
(I can't think of that many, but I'll give this to anyone I can think of)
1. Jenn from A Day in the Life of Jenn - cuz she rocks my world
2. A at Adventures of a Puuurplemoster Abroad - cuz she is weird like me
3. Marissa at Baby Noah - cuz she changes her blog name so often I, literally, am not sure what it is.... ;)
4. Btay at Can't Rush a Miracle - cuz she is just plain neato

Honestly, that is all I can think of right now, I will add them as I come across them though. I like awards, they are fun, I always have trouble with following the rules though :)

Freeway to a Better Me

I know in the past I have written a lot more about my anxieties. I haven't brought it up in a while.

Basically, I live in a big state of denial most of the time.

Cameron and I started back in counseling to work out some issues a few weeks ago. (nothing crazy)

(I love therapy btw, a huge promoter of self-improvement and emotional health)

So, one of the big issues that came up was the fact that I have not really conquered my anxiety of driving on the freeway. It has been at least 2 years since I have been on the freeway longer than a mile or so. ::insert shame face here::

I have been really thinking hard about things that I want to change about myself, things to make me a happier person. The anxiety has been a hugely embarrassing issue for me. And, frankly, the freeway is just faster for the most part.

So after dwelling on it and having nightmares (literally) for the past week, I decided today was the day to change.

And...I did it.



I finally got on the freeway. Not just once, and not just for one mile. But several times, and I went normal distances, to actually get places.

I literally started crying when I pulled on, it is beyond emotional to finally do something that I have wanted to do and overcome this fear that has been lingering for years.

I know that it will still take time and effort, continually working on this to get better.

But, today was a good day, and I'm going to take it for what it is.

A huge step in the right direction.

:)

Well, there is definitely a baby in there!

Heart rate was 152 (perfect) baby's growth was 7 weeks 4 days (perfect).

This is the first time we have ever had the growth rate be on target EVER.

Also the first time the HR was in the range of GOOD, not just "acceptable"

Really we couldn't have asked for better.

I will have to post a picture tomorrow (too many people at work to scan the image in).

Yay! :)

Obligatory New Year's Post

I was feeling very inspired last week to write this, but it was too early. Now I'm late and I have no inspiration so this may not be very interesting, I'll do it anyway.

First, let's recap -

Major happenings in 2011:

1. I got pregnant the second time, which I later miscarried, so a win/lose really.

2. I had my golden birthday!

3. C got a new job! And finished his degree!

4. My company was being acquired. This was bad, but actually motivated me to get moving!

5. I did a bunch of new things that were fun! Kayaking, cooking class, new crafts, etc.

6. House projects: Back fence, front bedroom, front yard.

7. I got a new job!

8. I quit smoking.

9. I got pregnant again!


Goals (not resolutions) for 2012:

1. Be more positive. C and I had a discussion the other day about how negativity, pessimism, and bitterness are everyday feelings for me. I know that now, when things are going well it is easy to say I'll be more positive. My goal is that I need to remain positive even when or if things don't go well (with anything). I do believe that this has a direct correlation to how fulfilling my life is, how I feel about myself, and my emotional and physical well being.

2. Continue to try more new things. I did a lot of new things last year, conquered some fears and had a lot of fun. I really would like to keep adding to my list in 2012.

3. Get organized! C and I had a great start the past month to our continues efforts of getting ourselves organized. I hope to have organization down to an art in 2012.

4. Finish my degree. Obviously I have been working on this most of the past year. I know what I have to do and I am going to finish this year.

5. Payoff all debt. And not to air dirty laundry, but I'm thinking of making a little "pay-off-o-meter" to post here for inspiration, aka, constant reminder.

6. Have this baby. Obviously this is not exactly under my control...but ya...thanks...that'd be great....

7. Sell our house. Yes, I said it. I don't know if it can be done in 2012 but that is the goal if we can complete #5 from above.

8. Buy a new house. Aim for bigger, better neighborhood, not a money pit. Obviously this one is contingent on #5 and #7.


Ok I'm pretty sure that if I sat here long enough I could get to #100 no sweat. But I think I'll stop there. If I can even manage a few of those this year that would rock.

I hope that everyone had a fabulous New Year and have some great achievable goals for 2012!

Shock and Awe...someness

Surprise.

Can you believe it? I honestly never thought I would ever in my whole life be surprised by a pregnancy.

...I mean, granted, I obviously knew there was a chance, duh, no BC pills, not trying to avoid or anything.

But...C and I literally, JUST had the:

"when do you want to get serious about TTC again..?"

conversation right AFTER I ovulated (I think).

I had kinda been half-assed charting, as you can see here.

I mean, shit, I even said to him, "not sure I'm ready, or when when I'll be ready, but it will probably take so long might as well start now."

Anyway, it is unbelievably nice to be surprised.

So that was pretty much my reaction as I sat on the toilet trying not to drip pee on myself capping the test, and amazingly seeing two, yes TWO pink lines pop up almost instantly!

I pretty much forgot to stand up afterward, thinking, um...is this for real?? Then FUCK! Why didn't I pee in a cup so I could confirm with a second test?!?! Now I won't have to pee for like hours!

Not to worry, I chugged a bunch of water and bought $50.00 worth of tests to confirm again...and again....and keep for my more paranoid moments (which I can guarantee I will have).

Please refer to last time

So I guess the point of this post, if there is, in fact, a point, is that I'm freakin excited.

Last pregnancy, about at this point, I was already having some pretty serious doubts as to whether things would work out. (we all know how that story ended)

This time feels very different, kind of a combination of both the 1st and 2nd time. I'm very happy, but not naive, I'm feeling hopeful but not oblivious.

I am going to really focus on making the most of this pregnancy, stay positive, and plan ahead so I have fun things and milestones to look forward to.

I think I'll start thinking about the nursery, can't go wrong with decorating as a distraction!

Also, my first u/s is scheduled for January 19th!

Third Times a Charm...?

BEST Christmas Present EVER:

Weight Loss...or lack there of....

The weight loss progress has been slow and, frankly, pretty awful.

I don't know what is wrong with me this time around, but I'm pretty sure I've been steadily gaining weight instead of losing.

My friend, A, came up with a great incentive that we are both working toward. Awesome store in San Francisco she found called Bettie Page, all vintage pin-up 50's and 60's style clothing! Click on the image to check it out!





Here are my own personal incentive dresses:








If the prospect of me looking hot in these dresses doesn't work...



then nothing will.











(I actually think I may have used this post title before? Hopefully that is a good sign!)

October, November, December, oh my!

::insert face of shame here::

I really can't believe it has been so long since I've written. I was doing so well, even posting regularly.

Oh well, what's done is done, I'll move on...

So let's see here...what is new...?

Instead of posting some gigantic long-winded update, I'll keep it brief and promise to continue to updated at least a little more regularly.


1. I got a new job, awesomely exciting, amazing place, better pay, good stuff :)

2. More speed-bumps in the graduation process, still plugging along though, I'm hoping it will happen eventually.

3. I started charting again. ::gag::

4. I guess if January rolls around and I'm not pregnant I'll face the whole fertility specialist thing.

5. I got a really cute Kate Spade purse, on 75% off Cyber Monday:



6. I've been considering going public with this blog, aka post on FB. Still considering. I mean honestly...it isn't like I don't share EVERYTHING with everyone I talk to anyway...hmmmm....

7. I know there has been a ton more stuff but I can't think of anything right now.

Until next time! And I promise it won't be 3 months...

:)

100th Post

Wow, this seems totally appropriate.

Almost like a sign.

This post was originally going to be called, A New Start. That is...until I saw it was the 100th and then changed the title.

Either way, I'm rambling...but how exciting!

I woke up this morning and I was happy. I spent a long time talking to C last night about all of our options, what we want to do and how to proceed. I know we are on the same page with letting go and in theory, just being surprised if it is meant to be. I feel like we cleared the air and I woke up to a new start this morning.

Issue of the day: I'm still waiting to hear back about the job I've been interviewing for over the past couple of months. I will, of course, update when I hear something, good or bad. (please let it be good, please let it be good!)

Thank you all for for being here with me the past 100 posts!!

My Nemesis: The Backyard

This backyard, my first, my only that I have owned has been the most difficult part of the house makeover.

3 years.

yes.

3 years.

This is how long it has taken us to get to this point. It seemed so simple at first. But the cost was high, the work was hard.

We are so close to having a useable yard, I can't even believe it.

I might actually cry.

::insert classical music in background for tear-jerking happiness reaction::

(just kidding, I'll wait until I finish this post)

My yard, in photos, worth much more than a 1,000 words.



Backyard Part 1

The beginning, before we had the shed/garages torn down:



Backyard Part 2

(warning: scary image below):



Backyard Part 3

Possibly, slightly better?:



Backyard Part 4

After yesterday's Bobcat attack:

(BTW I'm standing in the middle on the side of the yard, there is a whole mess of space behind me too!)



ahhh, the sweet smell of progress :)

Something I really like, Snagit

SNAGIT!!! Yes, Snagit. First of all, how could you not LOVE saying the word Snagit. I seriously smile almost every time I say it, or think about it, or write about it.

I'm smiling like a fool right now!

If you don't know what Snagit ::smiles:: is let me just tell you.

It is an awesome program that allows you to take screenshots of anything, small, large, pink, purple, anything! You can manipulate the image. Add writing, circle things, point arrows at stuff. It is just the bee's knees.

example:



Anyway, I just thought I would share. I should get paid for this, as it is pretty much an advertisement.

You can download a free 30 day trial.

BEST. PROGRAM. EVER.

(or at least the best one that I know about)