Shock and Awe...someness

Surprise.

Can you believe it? I honestly never thought I would ever in my whole life be surprised by a pregnancy.

...I mean, granted, I obviously knew there was a chance, duh, no BC pills, not trying to avoid or anything.

But...C and I literally, JUST had the:

"when do you want to get serious about TTC again..?"

conversation right AFTER I ovulated (I think).

I had kinda been half-assed charting, as you can see here.

I mean, shit, I even said to him, "not sure I'm ready, or when when I'll be ready, but it will probably take so long might as well start now."

Anyway, it is unbelievably nice to be surprised.

So that was pretty much my reaction as I sat on the toilet trying not to drip pee on myself capping the test, and amazingly seeing two, yes TWO pink lines pop up almost instantly!

I pretty much forgot to stand up afterward, thinking, um...is this for real?? Then FUCK! Why didn't I pee in a cup so I could confirm with a second test?!?! Now I won't have to pee for like hours!

Not to worry, I chugged a bunch of water and bought $50.00 worth of tests to confirm again...and again....and keep for my more paranoid moments (which I can guarantee I will have).

Please refer to last time

So I guess the point of this post, if there is, in fact, a point, is that I'm freakin excited.

Last pregnancy, about at this point, I was already having some pretty serious doubts as to whether things would work out. (we all know how that story ended)

This time feels very different, kind of a combination of both the 1st and 2nd time. I'm very happy, but not naive, I'm feeling hopeful but not oblivious.

I am going to really focus on making the most of this pregnancy, stay positive, and plan ahead so I have fun things and milestones to look forward to.

I think I'll start thinking about the nursery, can't go wrong with decorating as a distraction!

Also, my first u/s is scheduled for January 19th!

Third Times a Charm...?

BEST Christmas Present EVER:

School update #bAzzZzillioNnNnn

I'm fucked.

They suck...screwed me... stupid bastards.

I have to take a class. Not just any class. I full blown upper division course at the university. FUCK.

That is not only time consuming, but expensive, and for the love of crap, I have to actually think and put effort in.

:: sobs into pillow....errr...keyboard::

You know, I always joked that "hahaha...this is never going to end...hahaha"

Ya well...look what happens, I probably cursed it with my own stupid pessimism.

Whatever I can't actually do anything about this anyway. I might as well try to find something interesting.

BTW I totally just realized that this doesn't have an automatic spell check.

Um.

Ewwww.

WTF.

I am officially mortified, disgusted, and abhorred.

Shit. Now after that bad news I have to go back through every freakin post EVER and spell check!!???!!!

Jerks.

Now I know what I must do. I can sign up for a super high level spelling class.

Kill two birds with one stone.

Once again, I prove to be a freakin genious.

Take that school! Take that blogger!

Progress Report

A. I am still a raging bitch.

B. I am still not smoking, this is day 4.

c. I swear C is being pissy too, but keeps blaming it on me, I'm not...exactly...sure who is right, how would I know?!?!

::gives C evil side eye::

(if you are confused please refer to 'A' above)


I think I'll drink wine and bake something sweet after work.

Seriously... how could that not make me feel better?!

I Quit

Yesterday was Day 1. Terrible. Just terrible.

Frankly though, I don't think I'm very open about the fact that I smoke with everyone (like I'm pretty sure I've never even mentioned it in a post before).

I think the reason I'm writing about this is, it has been a long time. On and off for maybe 10 years. I've quit, started again, quit again, and so on. I've always been embarrassed by it. I know it is horrible for you, yet I love it at the same time. I think by admitting this out in the open like this it will give me a sense of accountability.

Stupid Nicotine.

With C's recent blood clot scare, it has given us more incentive to quit together. I'm not gonna lie, it SUCKS. I mean really sucks.

Yesterday's Withdraw Symptoms:

1. Tingly - EVERYWHERE

2. I want to kill someone. Literally, murder someone. For some reason yesterday it just seemed morally ok, as it usually does when I first quit.

3. Don't effing talk to me, ever. -aimed at everyone, sorry C :(

Today, Day 2:

Today has been better. It helps that I can stay locked up in my tiny cubicle, not having to speak with anyone. I read the worst of it is from 24-48 hours, I'm over halfway there! And Feeling overall more positive!

Symptoms:

1. Tingly - but not as bad

2. Murderous feelings - not so bad either! But today is only half way over...

3. I can't stop eating!!! Literally I've eaten like 10 cookies today, and if I hadn't run out I could keep going.

Hopefully tomorrow I can either find a healthy substitute for the insatiable hunger, or at least avoid anyone with cookies.

Weight Loss...or lack there of....

The weight loss progress has been slow and, frankly, pretty awful.

I don't know what is wrong with me this time around, but I'm pretty sure I've been steadily gaining weight instead of losing.

My friend, A, came up with a great incentive that we are both working toward. Awesome store in San Francisco she found called Bettie Page, all vintage pin-up 50's and 60's style clothing! Click on the image to check it out!





Here are my own personal incentive dresses:








If the prospect of me looking hot in these dresses doesn't work...



then nothing will.











(I actually think I may have used this post title before? Hopefully that is a good sign!)

October, November, December, oh my!

::insert face of shame here::

I really can't believe it has been so long since I've written. I was doing so well, even posting regularly.

Oh well, what's done is done, I'll move on...

So let's see here...what is new...?

Instead of posting some gigantic long-winded update, I'll keep it brief and promise to continue to updated at least a little more regularly.


1. I got a new job, awesomely exciting, amazing place, better pay, good stuff :)

2. More speed-bumps in the graduation process, still plugging along though, I'm hoping it will happen eventually.

3. I started charting again. ::gag::

4. I guess if January rolls around and I'm not pregnant I'll face the whole fertility specialist thing.

5. I got a really cute Kate Spade purse, on 75% off Cyber Monday:



6. I've been considering going public with this blog, aka post on FB. Still considering. I mean honestly...it isn't like I don't share EVERYTHING with everyone I talk to anyway...hmmmm....

7. I know there has been a ton more stuff but I can't think of anything right now.

Until next time! And I promise it won't be 3 months...

:)