New Year's Eve 2012

So here it is, the last day of 2012. I can't say I'll miss this year. It really hasn't been the greatest. Some things were good, but some really shitty things happened also.

I think I'll stick with last year's format for this post...because it was pretty awesome...

Major happenings in 2012 (in order of occurrence, not importance)

1.  I miscarried for the 3rd time.

2. I finally received my BA degree!

3. C's parents separated after 30+ years of marriage.

4. C lost his job.

5. I got a new job!

6. House projects: finished the closet, painted the kitchen cabinets

7. C went on 2 week, cross-country road trip!

 2013 New Year's Goals 

(Old post for reference 2012 New Years Post (this is a continued post that is added to, so some things might seem random or out of date))

1. Be more positive. - Working out OK...attempting not to be a whinny bitch ;)  I guess this is going ok. Kinda hard to judge. - struggling with this sometimes, but not doing terribly, will continue into the new year :)

2. Continue to try more new things.
- Booked trip to Europe: may or may not make it now (save explanation for a different post)
- Planning trip to Alaska
- Started hiking with C every weekend: umm didn't quite happen every weekend, BUT we do on occasion.

- Started playing tennis again (fairly regularly)

- Started golfing again (on rare occasion)
- Mountain biking
(not sure what is in store this year!)

3. Get organized! - Still In Progress-- still working on this, but SO MUCH better already!

4. Finish my degree. Obviously I have been working on this most of the past year. I know what I have to do and I am going to finish this year. - Still In Progress DONE!!!!

5. Payoff all debt. And not to air dirty laundry, but I'm thinking of making a little "pay-off-o-meter" to post here for inspiration, aka, constant reminder.   - Still In Progress - On hold due to job loss.

6. Fertility related: This is THE year I think something will happen or big decisions will be made. I haven't updated some important information in a while but I will say that I now have some infertility coverage and adoption assistance. I will be searching for an RE and moving forward with IVF and possibly adoption in 2013. (yikes!!)

7. Sell our house.  - this may be possible this year.

8. Buy a new house. - this may be possible this year

9. Make my house a home. I'm tired of being jealous of other people's houses. I want to live in a comfortable, happy, stylin' environment. Because C and I pretty much decided to stay in our current house for at least another year or two, I want to make it a better place. -In progress! - Still going well I need to post some pictures in an upcoming post.

10. Lose weight.  Via weight watchers - I WILL post my weight occasionally to hold myself accountable.
Current Weight: 166 Current weight - 159 (improvement!) Goal #1: 145 by 06/23/12 (friend's wedding) Didn't happen HA!
Goal #2: 135 145 by 10/12/12 (Europe) (Halloween!)
Goal #3: 130 by 01/01/13
Goal #4: Maintain

I've decided to go all out with this goal this year. I think as I race towards the big 3-0 birthday in April I'm growing increasingly aware of the impending doom that is "the age factor." I think if my self-esteem is fairly low now, it may only get worse as I depart from my 20's. I have, therefor, decided to go back to my original plan of weekly weigh in's...yes....WEEKLY dammit!! AND will also be coming up with a new set of weight loss related goals in the form of some statistic and photo heavy weekly post to keep me freakin accountable.

Starting tomorrow I have 128 days, to achieve the completely POSSIBLE goal of losing 30lbs.

Watch the fuck out, because here I come!!!

Three Years

I have oh so many things to say. I always do...I have so many things to say all the time that sometimes I just get stuck and don't know how to put things into words...on paper (aka blog).

I literally have a list on my phone of awesome and funny blog topics that I always mean to write about. 

I was sitting here, feeling inspired but not sure about what to say. I started thinking of all the junk in my head and the only thing that seems profound enough to say is...

It has been 3 years this week.

3 years since that fateful night that my friend announced her pregnancy. That one interesting turn of events that was probably so immeasurably exciting for her, but something that I will probably only remember from my own selfish point of view. 

The day that we decided to start trying for a baby.

I keep thinking, at this point by the time we actually have the first possibility of having a baby it will almost be 4 years. FOUR YEARS!!! That is so crazy to me. I know some people wait 10 or whatever, but for me this is a lot. More than enough years to have suffered through. 

I may have said something similar before, but I can't remember now. The other day I was talking to C, out on the porch, having a glass of wine (a normal tradition for us) and thought.....hmmmm....

Sometimes I wonder if I really want kids.

What if I don't really?

What if the reason I think I want them so bad is because I can't have them?

Then what? 

I wonder if that is what people think about me too?

C laughed, then said he had the same thoughts occasionally, and, no, I'm not crazy.

(big secret sigh of relief)


I am starting a new job next week. This came up suddenly, only within the past few weeks. Actually all since my last post. The position is a good one, a level up from where I am now, the company is good, and the super awesome bonus is they have some infertility coverage. Not a huge amount. But probably at least one round of IVF. 

I can't believe that 3 years ago, this week, I was worried I'd get pregnant the first month and that I wouldn't be ready. 

HA HA HA!!! 

And now, I'm worried, because we may only have enough for one round of IVF.

WTF.

I definitely know I've said this before...and I'm sure I'll say it again....

How the hell did I even get here!??!


Well anyway, cheers to 3 years. 

A very unfortunate anniversary.