Rainbow at Midnight

When I was 14 or 15 on of my best friends, K, and I went on a trip to Alaska. It was summer, late June, I think. We traveled by ferry from Bellingham, Washington up the coast, stopping at various towns and cities along the way.

One of the places we visited along the way was a town called White Horse, it is located in the Yukon Territory in Canada. One night we stayed in this little motel along side a lake, surrounded by trees.

If you've ever been to Alaska or Northern Canada in the summer you know that the days are extremely long, only about 4 hours of darkness per  night.

On this night, K, her Dad and I went out to the lake, fishing I think, or sitting on rocks, or both. It was late, but hard to tell because you could still see the sun low on the horizon, it looked like what 6-7 in the evening should look back in the lower 48. In reality it was almost midnight. And as we sat there we both looked up to see a rainbow stretching across the sky.

It was amazing. I kept thinking, 'how many people can say they've seen a midnight rainbow?!' unheard of, and completely awesome. It is a memory I think back on quite a bit. At the time never knowing how much that would stick with me throughout the years.

So what the hell does this have to do with anything you ask?

Well, after another minor emotional outburst last night and a long talk with C. The conversation was really about coming to terms with the fact that bitterness and sadness really doesn't make our already crap situation any better. I have been falling behind at work, unable to concentrate on even simple tasks. Not necessarily because I'm constantly thinking about miscarriage or pregnancy or infertility in general...

I just have felt like I haven't had it in me to move forward.

I headed to work this morning, and there it was, right in front of me, a huge faded rainbow.

I wouldn't say I'm a huge "signs" person. But today it was different.

The rainbow, sappy as it sounds, reminded me that we do move forward. Even when times are shitty, even when things feel hopeless, or you are lost, you keep going.

The clouds made it almost impossible to see, but as I drove forward, it slowly it became more visible. It can be hard to make out the good things when everything feels so bad.  Like this rainbow, as the clouds lightened the rainbow slowly started to form into a visible shape, each color present, just as good things can become apparent over time.

It sure felt like a sign to me.

And it reminded me, yet again, of that night in the Yukon, witnessing something magical and meaningful that has stuck with me over the past 15 years. Just another sign showing me that I cannot plan on what is going to happen in life, but that if I stay open to it, keep my head up looking for it, I might just see something as simple as a rainbow, like I have, that has comforted me in times of cloudy darkness and given me a memory that is strong enough to last a lifetime.