good things and bad things

I'm surprised at how well I'm doing with all that has gone on. I think others are surprised as well. I've been waiting for the emotions to really hit me. They have, at times, but not to nearly the same extent as last time.

I have many things to be thankful for. The friends in my life that are always there for me, my husband and family, my house and fuzzy little animals that make me smile.

There are many good things.

I know that life isn't always easy, and that everyone struggles at one point or another with things that are outside of their control. I am not being singled out. I'm just going through the same thing that so many others have. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I can cope.

I wish none of this had happened. But I cannot go back and change anything. And, even if I could go back, I couldn't have done anything to make it a different outcome.

I have some things in my life that are incomplete, things that I need to work on and fix to improve myself. I think now is a good time to start.

Here is the list I've come up with so far:

1. Weight loss - lose 20lbs
2. Finish my last steps toward my degree
3. Continue to work on my anxiety problems
4. Find a new job
5. Get organized, try to get things done before they are an issue

I am going to try to move forward without letting my life revolve around getting pregnant (or staying pregnant) it isn't healthy. There are so many other things in life that are passing me by because I have not been able to see outside of my little world. So many things that I should be taking care of, but I ignore.

Obviously, I'm not dumb, I realize that I will still think about it, but I will not let myself be consumed with it. C and I have decided not to start trying again until we have some answers. This will make a perfect time to kick start my new mentality. I will at least have a couple of months head start. I'm hoping to make a good dent in my list and come up with many more things along the way.

Also, on another note, I'd like to thank all of you that have helped us through through these difficult times, sent flowers, made sure I was doing ok, or just offered an ear to listen. We both really appreciate it, and we will be ok.